Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
