don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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