the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
