Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
