Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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