i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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