i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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