Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
