HIV tests are more positive than that guy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
