Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
