she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
