My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
COCAINE IS GR8
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
