I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I believe in your delicious
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
