In the future we'll all be gay
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
