P.S. I can't hear my feet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
