So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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