hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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