He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
