I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
