accomplished twins. life is a go
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
