Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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