hotel room ftw
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
