I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
