that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
