Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
