Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
