i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
