at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
