They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
