I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
