Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
