i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
