you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We are two peas in an std pod
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I FOUND THE LEGS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
