you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
