Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
