Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
