Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
