hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
