I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
