I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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