i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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