Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
