It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
