ugly people sure do ruin things
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
