Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm bleeding and have questions
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
