Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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