i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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