forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
