Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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