pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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